When I think back on my journey with AA. my deepest desire has always been to know myself as spirit. I have tried to understand and feel this in many ways. First I sat at tables always listening to understand this deeper sense of who I was. I did get some understanding but I mostly heard about the problems I was facing that other AA members were facing that we had in common and the suggestion to ask God in my morning prayer to help me throughout the day and to help others. That is good advice.
When I began to understand myself as a child or agent of God or Spirit I could see the constant flow of “all there is” that I hadn’t realized before and as I practiced seeing myself with this new identity I became able to see a future so bright, full of all the abundance that God would so want for me and everyone. I began to lose a sense of fear and inadequacy that still followed me in sobriety.
I am not saying that just the discovery was all that changed it for me. I have to spend time with the practice of knowing my true spirit self so I am more familiar with it. I read chapters in the big book, the 12 and 12 and supportive literature that describes the spirit and helps me experience it. Books by Emmet Fox, Ernest Holmes and books on metaphysics.
Knowing myself as spirit has given me the ease and freedom I have always been looking for in AA. When I lose the sense of spirit where I feel connected to God I practice Pause and Get Calm – the simple effective tool of AA. That helps me regain my true identity. -Sue M.
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